So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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