Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
