you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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