Just cropdusted the office
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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