Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
