quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
