remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
