Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
