I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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