Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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