He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
