And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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