giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
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officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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