I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
