He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
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