a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
