Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you win again, gameday.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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