So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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