Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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