Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
