Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
