No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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