I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
