did you get engaged???
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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