beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
