another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
