How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
