Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
