I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
