Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
