even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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