I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
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Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
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On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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