My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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