I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
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I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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