So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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