remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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