I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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