I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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