you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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