Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
