he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
