i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
