no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
