I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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