i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
