wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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