Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
