i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
