if only i could text you this smell
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
