how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
