i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
