I'm really into asian looking animals
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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