There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
