Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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