Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
