Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
