***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
