I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
