The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
