No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
