I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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