Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
