even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So many bounce houses so little time
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Terrible idea I love it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
