i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
