I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
