i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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