Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
