I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she peed on how many people?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
