I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
