i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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