It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
