I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
