He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
