Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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