just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
