They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Panties = found
Randomize
