I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
