TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
