just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
